May 2024: The Very Scary Sketchbook Project

Alexis Robinson
Jun 4, 2024
9 min read

Updated: Jul 30

Hello and welcome to Painter on the Page; if you made it here, I am shocked and flattered. I am equally impressed by your ability to find such a niche website (there is also a real possibility that I forced you to read this blog, thanks bestie xoxo). Earlier this week, I received a scam email informing me that the SEO for my site was terrible and that I should reach out and work with someone to help with my reach (I am sorry Henry if you were not a scammer, I am suspicious and your email looked suspicious. Also you would not believe how many scam emails I get as an artist). Although I appreciate Henry’s points regarding my online reach, I am a one-step-at-a-time gal. Simply buying this domain was the max my legs could reach. I will need a minimum of three weeks before I can even consider widening my audience and improving my marketing skills; if I am being candid with you all, that timeline will more realistically take 3-4 months to initiate. My experiences with Henry, the domain, and small steps relate well to slow starts and sketching, the point of this blog post.

In our world, which is seemingly filled with endless artistic prodigies, being average kind of sucks. I am not an overnight success, an impressively young artist, or an impressively awarded creative. I like to make silly little drawings, I have little creative direction, and more often than not, I succumb to creation anxiety. If you are creative, I am sure you are more than familiar with that feeling. If you do not experience this, how does it feel to be you? If you have not gotten the gist, I am talking about that icky feeling of self-loathing and hatred that inevitably ruins your creative process. This experience is not only exclusive to artists; in simpler terms, we can call it performance anxiety.

For myself, this anxiety started in college; mixing grades and art can be just as dangerous as unrealistic parental expectations. I do not regret going to college for art, but I am bitter about the structures that educators and artists are obligated to abide by. For many non-artists, art is simply a check box on a resume or grant approval; they want the outcome but wish to stay blind to the processes that produce the works and programs they supposedly love and value. We see this grossly mutated with the surge of art generated by artificial intelligence and the rapidity with which developing programs. Many struggle to tell the difference between AI images and artist-made work. In a world where consumers readily support the immediate generation of perfect images, the anxious artist rarely finds space for their explorations and mistakes.

I didn’t realize how deep my creative anxiety was holding me back until I started teaching and saw the impacts of creative reckless abandon. The small demographic of students who create for their intrigue and care little about the aesthetic outcome enjoy the process much more than my students who strive to perform. The unbothered students create more art, improve faster, and follow a path of exploration and intuition. Although a drive for perfection can produce incredible skill, perfection for the anxious creative quickly transforms into a toxic habit that slows down your progress and demolishes your creative satisfaction.

Welcome to the ACA (Anxious Creatives Anonymous)

As anxious creatives, our progress is slow, and often takes double the time to reach success or happiness. We find ourselves saying, “Well, I could do that!”, and we could, but we are unwilling to make the mistakes it takes to achieve that outcome. If you have gotten this far and are still unsure whether or not you are an anxious creative, I have a little questionnaire to help you out.

When was the last time you finished or almost finished a sketchbook?
Have you ever abandoned a piece of art to pursue a more exciting idea?
Do you struggle with a blank page?
How long does it take you to sketch again after a bad drawing?

If your answers were something similar to these…

I don't remember/ never/ I could never keep a sketchbook/ ha! Do you mean I should keep a record of terrible art????
No/That is so wasteful!/Never! How could I abandon something I already spent so much time on?
Yes, what if it is a bad idea/ yes, my ideas always feel dumb/ I always ruin them/ my ideas are too silly to put on paper
If a sketch turns out bad, I abandon the sketchbook/ I only do final sketches or perfect sketches in my sketchbook that take me days and days to finish/ it can take me upwards of two days to open a fresh page if I mess up.

I have news, if you relate to any of the statements on the list above, you are also most likely an anxious creative; a formidable antidote is embarking on a scary sketchbook project.

“The Very Scary Sketchbook Project

I finished my first sketchbook in the fall of 2023. I am in my mid-20s, with a bachelor's degree in studio art, and an active artist, and it took me until 2023 to complete a sketchbook. My previous sketchbook follies ate away at my self-worth. It was a constant reminder (for myself, some artists don’t need sketchbooks to feel secure, I do) that I didn’t take my art seriously enough to explore and partake in creation daily. After I finished that first sketchbook, I realized that finishing the sketchbook was not the hard part. What proved to be the most challenging part was allowing myself to make bad drawings in my sketchbook. I had this intense fear of creating "bad art". When things went south, I had a tough time moving on and turning the page, and as someone who wanted to improve, I knew that this fear was destructive and holding me back. So to resolve this issue, I embarked on what I will call “The Very Scary Sketchbook Project”.

Sketching has transformed my creative experience. Since starting “The Very Scary Sketchbook Project” in May, I have filled over 20 sketchbook pages. But also a lot of portfolio-worthy art. To summarize my findings, my sketchbook is not a “portfolio” worthy. But because I work my creative muscles daily, I have more capacity to create portfolio-worthy pieces.

During the winter I tapered off my daily sketch habit because of some tough family issues, but when May hit I was ready again to restart my sketchbook journey. I took off running. I didn't allow myself to be discouraged by the time gap between sketchbooks, or the little art critic in my head. I turned off my adult, pulled my inner child's rip chord, and put pen to paper. This month alone I completed two fully finalized paintings, one large pen and ink drawing, started a large desk painting, and completed 23 sketchbook spreads. It is my best work to date, in my opinion, the most interesting and heartfelt art I have ever created.

So, how does one start sketching and embark on their own very scary sketchbook project? That is quite personal to the individual, but if you need to be told what to do, I will gladly share!

Getting Started

Step one is to obtain a sketchbook suitable for just about anything. One that you can put in your daily bag, your pocket, wherever you keep your daily trinkets. Any sketchbook will do, and I will encourage you to use what you have lying around the house before buying anything. To make the most out of this project the book must not be seen as precious. If you are set on buying something, I like Pentalic’s traveler notebooks, the pages are thick, they hold up to abuse, my fountain pen ink performs well with the paper, the cover is soft, and the binding is sturdy. I don’t prefer spiral-bound books myself, I tend to draw on the bus and I have found the metal spirals often get deformed. This can hinder the usability of the book, but everyone is different! Again do not get anything that will spark your inner Gollum, sketches are not precious (and I mean it, no ifs ands or buts, they are not precious).

Step two: get a pencil, pen, or anything you can use to make marks, put together a little to-go kit, and start taking it everywhere. I like Pentel Graphgers, I find they are hard to lose and it is nice not to need a pencil sharpener(and no they are not as expensive as some would assume). I also carry around a water brush, filled with fountain pen ink, which I used to draw most of my sketches in May.

Take it to parties, take it on the bus, or walks, instead of scrolling on your phone, take it out and draw whatever is next to you. Don’t think, don't ponder, draw. Some days you will open up your book and think “Hey what if I drew this cool silly little thing”, or “Oh that would be fun to sketch”, don’t let your anxious creative mind tell you no if you think it will draw it. This is the easy part of the sketchbook project.

Where the heavy lifting comes in is learning to listen to your wants and desires. As anxious creatives, we find ourselves creating for the intrigue and excitement of others. Sharing your art is magical, it is exciting to see people's faces light up when you draw something fantastic. If you are an anxious creative I would be willing to bet you often share every piece of work you make with others. If you are finding the regular act of sketching difficult I would challenge you to keep your sketchbook for your eyes alone. If you need permission I permit you to keep your sketchbook to yourself, but I will remind you that you are no longer in grade school and have no obligation to share private and personal things you bring into public with anyone and do not need permission.

If you find sketching intuition difficult, here are some exercises I have used when I can’t seem to listen to mine.

Draw the first thing you see next to you
Draw your favorite foods
Scribble and scribble and make doodles out of your scribbles
“Ruin” a page and turn it, maybe even another
Make wild marks on the page
Do a master's study
Draw your dream home or a dream place
Listen to a song and draw an image that represents it

Some days are harder than others, you won't always have a spark to create but you always have a choice. To be clear I am not saying you must draw every day, that is somewhat of a lofty goal that will most likely burn you out, but I will say drawing most days will improve your skills, creativity, and ingenuity. Drawing is just like everything else in your life, the more you do it the faster and easier it gets.

Conclusion

If you have made it this far, thank you for spending this time with me and reading about my sketching experiences. It is now time to conclude all the thoughts, rants, and ideas here so you can glean a sense of accomplishment from reading 2000 words on my sketching experience.

I am always astonished at how easy it is to create once I finally set aside others' expectations of art. Learning to trust my intuition took a long time and I am still not a pro. It is not an overnight change, some days will be harder than others. Art improvement does not follow a linear path, some days you will be great, some days you won't, some art you will love while others you will despise. But no matter what, every day you choose to pick up the pencil will put you one step closer to your goals and dreams.

Keep sketching!

Warmly,

Painter on the Page

Sketchbook Flip Through

If you want to see more videos by me you can visit my youtube channel @artisicallyalexis!

Hey! Do you want to support me while buying art supplies?

If you are interested in supporting me as an artist I am a Blick affiliate; which means if you use any of my links to purchase these supplies I will receive a 10% commission at no cost to you as the buyer! Here is the list of some of my most treasured supplies.

Pentel Hi-Polymer Lead (Blue and Red)

Canson Watercolor Paper

Faber Castell Polychromos

Staedtler Sketching Pencils

I am also an amazon affiliate and will receive a 10% commission on all purchases using the links below!

Waterman Fountain Pen Ink

Affiliate marketing won't affect the price of goods for buyers! It just helps support creators like me so we can continue to make art!